Have you ever felt like nothing you do or say matters?
Have you ever just wanted to give up?
Have you ever felt that sometimes life wasn't worth living?
I will honestly say, "I have."
In this life we walk there will be many trials and tribulations that we will bare. Some will be the hardest things we will ever have to go through and some will not be as bad.
Some of these trials and tribulations will scar our very hearts and burn themselves into our memories forever. Some of them will only be a blur after passing.
Some of us sit and worry and wonder where the next dollar will come from, the next bite of food will come from, or where we will lay our head. Some of us worry of things of this nations. Why do we do this or why do we do that? What right does this person have to tell me or my family how to live, what to eat, or how to raise our children? Some even worry and questions why the nations money is being spent in foolish ways? Why are we supporting our enemies knowing full well that the bargins made and words spoken will not be held as promised. Some wonder and ask, "Why do we/I have to give up my rights to my beliefs and the right to act upon them just so it won't offend someone?"
There is so much hatred, bigotry, racism, and discouragement in this world that it is blows my mind. It pull us all in different directions and ties us up in knots. One always feeling that he/she is right and all others wrong. No one willing to give an inch.
There are many kinds of faith. I do not judge any of them. I can only say that I believe my way. I will talk of my faith and love for GOD my HEAVENLY FATHER and HIS SON, JESUS CHRIST my SAVIOR. But, I will not force it upon anyone. I have adopted a saying that was to my husband by his guidance counclor, "I would rather believe than not to believe and find out that I was wrong."
In these past weeks I have searched, questioned and reasoned with my own heart. I have gotten angry, sad, and so discouraged at how this world is turning out. I have cried more tears than I care to admit. I felt so much shame in myself for I had forgotten in the heat of the moment what my LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST went through as he walked HIS journey on this earth many, many, many years ago.
When Jesus walked this earth, he taught us how to live through his words as well as actions. He performed miracles and brought life back to the dead. He showed mercy to all. He also healed the sick and lame. Through all of this there were ones who believed he was Christ and still so very many did not.
HE was hated!
HE was called a liar!
HE was scorned!
He was rejected by many, even his family and friends, even by his disiples who lived with him!
He was tried!
He was beaten!
A scarlett purple robe placed upon his shoulders!
He was made to carry his cross!
A crown of thorns placed upon his head!
His hands nailed to the cross!
His feet too were nailed to the cross!
A solider's spear pierced his side!
Blood flowed from his wounds!
As HE, JESUS was dying on the cross, HE said, "FATHER FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO."
HE, JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR paid the price in full that day when he died upon that cross and shed his precious blood.
In this life we were never promised a bed full of roses. We were never promised a happy ending to every day. We were promised that we would always have the love and mercy of GOD and his SON, JESUS CHRIST and that our needs would be provided for.
I have been a Christian since I was 9 years old. I have fought battle after battle with sin and the ways of the world. I have even turned my back on GOD for a time. I thought I knew it all and lived the wild life. Thought I had all the answers. SHAME FILLS ME AS I TELL YOU THIS!!!!!!! Then, I was brought to my knees!!!!!
I talked, prayed, and cried for GOD'S mercy and to give me one more chance. I asked HIM for forgiveness and he gave it to me! Me, a lowly excuse for life!!!! One who had turned from HIM because I thought I could live life on my own! What a stupid and silly person I was!!!!
I will not sit here and tell you that all has been sunshine and rainbows. It hasn't! It has been a struggle and hard fought battle. There has been anger, sorrow, and loathing. THere has been sleepless nights, tears and prayers. I have questioned and searched for answers. At times I recieved my answers when asked and sometimes I didn't and am still waiting for them. Some of the answers were not what I had hoped for and some of them were. I can only say, that GOD has his reasons for not giving me everything I ask for and I know that it is for my best interests even if I cannot see it at the time.
I know that while striving to be like JESUS, I will stumble, fall, and commit sin. When I do, I will call upon HIS name and ask for forgiveness and for him to show me the way. To give me strength to walk the straight and narrow.
Being a child of GOD is precious to me! I know I will go through much while on this earth. I may not have much in material things, but I am blessed with a family, roof over our head, food to eat, and good health. I like many will be hated, presocuted, and mocked! But that's ok. For one day, when it is GOD's time, I along with others will be taken to Heaven where there will be no sorrow, pain or death. There will be mansions for homes, streets of gold and land of milk and honey.
If you feel alone, lost and have nowhere to turn, talk to GOD. Give him a try. If you go to him, he will answer and you will know it! Let HIM show you the way.
I can't put it into words how you will know, it is undescribable. It is a feeling you will never forget. The closest words I can use to describe what I felt is pure elation, pure freedom, peace, joy.
If you have read this letter, my only hope is that it may bring you comfort, hope and to let you know that you are not alone.
Also thank you for letting me share this with you.
May GOD be with you and keep you in HIS LOVE AND MERCY.